


the solitude hurts a little bit less when you're around

by lildouglas



Series: just a big ole' collection of one shots that have nothing to do w/ each other (beside the fact that they all take place after hoco) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Feel-good, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Peter Parker Whump, ish, peter is a bit of a crybaby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 13:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14165952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lildouglas/pseuds/lildouglas
Summary: Tony hates making promises - especially the ones he can't keep.But, somehow, Tony will be damned if he ever breaks this one. He owes that much to Peter.





	the solitude hurts a little bit less when you're around

Despite his overwhelming guilt complex, Peter can pride himself on a few things. Afterall, he  _ is  _ an Avenger, albeit part-time, which is still impressive on its own. At least, that’s what Peter is trying to convince himself as he rocks back and forth on his bathroom floor. 

 

Peter’s mask was shed the second he slid in through his bedroom window. He lost all regard for his secret identity - not like May would be home until morning (nurses work hard hours, am I right?) - so here he was, sprawled out on the floor with his head laying against a toilet seat. The top was wet with his tears.

 

_ I’m an Avenger,  _ Peter thinks to himself. His eyes are closed, so he doesn’t have to look at the red vomit. Blood dribbles out of his mouth.  _ I shouldn’t act like this.  _

 

Peter doesn’t know how long he’s been in here, but he does know it’s been way too long. The aftershocks of battle hit him so hard, and when they do, he is completely vulnerable to everyone around him. One of these days, he’s going to be hit by one, and he’s not going to make it home in time. The thought of that makes him puke. 

 

After he recovers, Peter cleans up his mask. He strips, laying his suit in the washing machine. 

 

May knows about his identity. She found out a while ago. Even now, he still hides whatever he can from her. She can’t see the blood stains. She can’t see the bullet holes, the cuts, the bruises, the sobbing that puts him to sleep. She can’t ever know. 

 

Peter compares himself to Tony most days. Tony is his idol, after all. What else can he do but compare himself to him?

 

The next time an attack hits him, he’s in his bed. He webs every door and window in his room, and he hides in his wardrobe. Lightning is striking hard outside. 

 

_ May.  _

 

Peter bursts through his door. He fishes his wet Spider-Man suit out of the wash and jumps in. He web slings all the way to the hospital. Perched outside in a tree, he peers in to see May bustling around. She’s safe. 

 

Peter is scared of thunder. The sound is too similar to gunshots. 

 

But she’s safe. And that’s what matters to Peter. After all, she’s all he has left truly. But even she doesn’t know, nor can she ever know. Peter’s so… alone.

 

No one would ever understand him. No one can ever understand the pain of keeping so many secrets from the ones you love, especially with your heart screaming at you to tell them, to spill, to complain about your suffering. But you can’t. If you do, you only cause suffering for them too. May would have a heart attack. 

 

Peter clutches his chest in the midst of a rain storm. Dark, illogical fears seize him, and he succumbs to every nightmare that keeps him up at night. He starts crying inaudibly because the pain is so surreal, but his cowardice only makes it hurt all that much more.

 

Avengers don’t act like this. They’re not babies.  _ They’re not me. _

 

Peter cries a lot. They come with the… attacks. Peter doesn’t know what else to call them. He doesn’t understand them. Before, he tried to look at them from a scientific point of view, but the mere thought of them, sent him spiraling towards the floor. It all gets to be too much for him sometimes. It’s just too damn hard.

 

Fear, stress, the loneliness.

 

God, the loneliness makes it so worse. He has friends, Ned, and he even has his family, May, but it doesn’t ever dull the pain. 

 

Peter doesn’t make it home that night. He sleeps in the tree outside of May’s hospital.

 

He’s woken up by an alarm. His communicator buzzed at him. “Yea?” he slurred, rubbing the sleepy out of his eyes. He got no reply. He looked down. The Avengers logo peered back at him. With a yelp, he clicked on the screen, giving him a map, and he web slang out of the tree towards his destination. 

 

“Glad you could make it,” the Falcon greeted him the second Peter showed up.

 

He grinned, but no one could really see it. “Oh, I could never miss this,” Peter said, showing off with some backflips. “So who are we fighting this time?”

 

“We are…” Ah, speak of the devil. “The Sinister Six.”

 

“Six?” Peter said, confused. He counted them all aloud. “Electro, Kraven - nice to see you again, by the way, you’re looking good - the Hunter, Mysterio, Sandman, and Vulture - oh, buddy, no what are you doing out of prison? How’s the wife?” He solemns. “Liz?” The Vulture doesn’t reply. “Anyways, that’s only five of you.”

 

He sighed. “What do they teach you in Supervillain school? Nothing good, apparently,” he grumbled to himself. He raised his fists to fight; his Spidey Sense started going off guns ablazing. He jumped, but a claw had grabbed ahold of his foot and he was yanked up. 

 

“No…” Peter trailed off, thrithing to get out of his touch. “No!” He was brought close to his captivator’s face. Hanging upside down, he kicks Octavious in the face with his free foot. “Ah, my old friend. You escape the zoo?”

 

Spider-Man was chucked off of the building. He caught himself in a web parachute. “Spidey, how do you feel to be hated so damn much that your villains make a hate club over you?” Tony teased.

 

“Amazing,” he shot back sarcastically. “I feel honored actually.”

 

“Any weaknesses we should know about?” Clint asked into the comm line. 

 

“Target the Octopus. If we take him down, the mind control link is broken.”

 

Bucky takes a double take. “Mind control?” he grumbled, and he’s already taken off directly to Octavious. Steve is with him. 

 

“And how do you know it’s mind control?” Steve asked. He throws his shield at an attacking vulture. 

 

“Because this isn’t the first time he’s done this. This time, he just has an even stupider name,” Peter replied.

 

Tony isn’t done with it. “And you never called me for backup?”

 

“I had it handled.”

 

“Oh, clearly,” Tony shot back. “That’s why they’re in prison, and I’m at home reading a book.”

 

There was a snort. “Like, you actually read,” Clint snickered. 

 

“Focus,” Natasha ordered. 

 

It got quiet. 

 

“I do read, actually,” Tony managed. 

 

“Shut up, Stark,” Natasha replied. 

 

Peter had to admit, with all the others it was a lot easier to finish the fight. Not that he’d ever say that. 

 

The Avengers stood in front of the defeated villains. “We got them!” Sam cheered. “All… All five of them.”

 

On cue, Doctor Octopus’s body is thrown into the ground. He’s webbed up. Peter is on top of him. 

 

SHIELD comes buy later, takes them all away. They remain, all celebrating with each other. 

 

“My new arrows worked so good. Thanks, Tony,” Clint said, smacking him lightly. 

 

“That reminds me… Peter, how did your new webs work?” There’s no reply. Everyone searches for Peter. “Peter?”

 

“Text message from ‘Spider-ling’:  _ I had to go to school. Sorry.”  _ FRIDAY informed him. 

 

Tony tapped his foot impatiently. “Call Spiderling.” The call went to voicemail. 

 

Tony called again. He picked up. “No, Karen, don’t--!” 

 

“Hi,” he said, gritting his teeth. “How’s school?”

 

Peter chuckled nervously. “I, I, uh, barely made it to first block.” His breathing is heavy. 

 

“On a saturday?” Tony asked, and Clint made a ‘oh, he’s in trouble’ face like the kids in elementary school would do.

 

“Summer school?” he tried.

 

“We both know you’re too smart for that,” Tony said. “What’s up, kid?”

 

“Nothing,” he mumbled shakily. “I… I don’t know.”

 

“Did you get hurt?”

 

Peter paused, as if deciding whether or not to tell the truth. “Kinda,” he answered bluntly. “B-But nothing I can’t handle!”

 

“Is he okay?” Sam asked, but Tony was too busy on the phone. Bucky stared intently down an alleyway. Peter was for sure hidden somewhere down there. He nudged Tony and pointed down there. 

 

“What hurts?”

 

Peter groaned. “My chest?”

 

“Is it bleeding badly?”

 

“No. I didn’t get cut too badly,” Peter mumbled. “It… Nevermind. Please leave me alone.”

 

“No, no, P--”

 

“S-Spider-Man,” he corrected. Tony slowly walked down the alleyway. 

 

At the end of the alleway was a quivering figure. Peter was curled up with his head presses to his knees. Tony stood in front of him. “Hey.” Peter, startled, yanked his head up. He jumped seven feet up in the air and stuck to the wall. 

 

“My Spidey Sense didn’t tell me you were there… Traitor.” 

 

“Maybe because I’m not here to hurt you,” Tony offered, but Peter wasn’t taking it. 

 

“What do you want?” Peter snarled. “I don’t need you here!”

 

Tony tried not to groan. Teenagers and their moodswings, gods, Tony is so sick of them. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Peter shook his head. His shaking feet barely kept him on the wall. “Can you at least come down?” Tony asked.

 

Outside the alleyway, Sam moved in to help. Bucky stopped him. He stood in the way. “This is something Tony should do,” he says. 

 

“If Stark needs help, he’ll request it,” Natasha assures him. 

 

Peter’s knees buckled and he slid down the wall. He shoved his face back into his knees. 

 

“Go away, Mr. Stark,” Peter groaned. “Please…”

 

“Peter, you’re hurting.” 

 

“I won’t die.” Peter didn’t know that he wouldn’t. He just said it to sound more brave. 

 

“No,” Tony agreed, and Peter was thankful he was right. “But it hurts. I know what it’s like.” 

 

Tony doesn’t think about it as much as he should. He wouldn’t have to if Peter didn’t hide everything from him. 

 

“Really?” Peter asked, ripping his head up. Through the mask and the tears, it was hard to see Tony. He wiped at his eyes, blushing since it didn’t really work. 

 

“Can I take off your mask?” he asked, and Peter shook his head. “It’ll help you breathe. You feel cramped right now, right? It’ll help. Trust me.” Peter reluctantly nods. Tony’s fingers tug at the bottom of his mask. Once it’s off his face, he starts breathing rapidly.

 

“Breathe, Peter,” he whispers, saying his real name to bring him to the ground. It seems to work. “You’re safe. You’re okay.” 

 

Tony awkwardly stood there. He didn’t have much left to say. He just repeated the things he’d tell himself while he had his anxiety attacks. “Do these happen a lot?” he asked. Peter nodded. “How do you… make them stop?”

 

Peter was shaking. “I don’t.” Tony’s eyes widen. “I wait for them to go away.” 

 

“Does anyone know about this?” 

 

… 

 

“You.”

 

Tony almost snorted. “Kid, you really should’ve told me about this sooner.”

 

Peter stopped replying. “Kid?”

 

He was crying softly now. “Make it stop,” he begged. “Please.” 

 

Tony kneeled in front of him. He slowly inches towards the crying teenager, careful not to upset him, and he wrapped his arms around him. Instantly having an effect, Peter choked on his tears. Tony’s arms were snug under Peter’s armpits, leaving Tony’s hands free. He used his right hand to hold Peter’s crying face against himself. His armor was surely wet by this point, but he didn’t care. He massaged his hair gently. “You’re okay,” Tony soothed. “I got you.” 

 

Peter’s grip tightened. “Don’t die,” Peter sobbed. “Don’t ever die, okay? You can hate me for being weak, but don’t… Don’t leave me like the others.” 

 

“I won’t leave,” he said. 

 

Tony started to pick him up, and Peter let him. He wrapped his legs around him, holding on tight. Tony had FRIDAY send the others a message that all was safe, and he took Peter home, without the others seeing his messy state. 

 

“It’s time to go home, kid.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> just a silly lil' oneshot...
> 
> if you liked/enjoyed, leave a comment or kudos! 
> 
> if you didn't, please don't bc i don't take constructive criticism well... 
> 
> Anyways, if you did like, please feel free to check out some of my other pics!


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